2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
