You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
