I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
