i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
