I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize