someone get that fucking seahorse.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize