I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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