It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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