I'm lost and stupid without you.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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