The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
