This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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