It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
