just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize