The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
