it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
