areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
