I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
