you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
