Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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