Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I smell stomach acid.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
