I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
