If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
