Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize