exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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