The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
