hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
3 2 1 whiskey
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
