god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
