It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
