hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
