She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize