Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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