I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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