if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
