I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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