she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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