My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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