you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
