Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
