His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
