worst night to have a conscience
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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