So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
