lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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