I am puke
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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