"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
