so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
