i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
