I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
