am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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