Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
