Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
