JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
