I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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