Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
