I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
