so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
how drunk are you?
Several
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
