I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
