I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize