God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
