So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize