I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
