It's like a parade of train wrecks.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
