when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
