if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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