then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize