I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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