Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
