sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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