We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
