Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
