And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have aggressive nipples.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
