I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Randomize