just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
