I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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