Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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