My sheets look like a crime scene.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
