Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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