So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
