I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
