I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
