How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize