I just threw up on my dentist
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I need water and some morals
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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