the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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