i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
porn star boner night. come get it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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