So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
