I need to stop coming to work sober
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
