I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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