Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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