They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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