in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
