Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
