You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
