don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
no more duck duck goose at the bar
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
