the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
