Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
