We won't sleep together?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize