he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
