kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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