They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
