My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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