Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
