i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think i got beer on your cat.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
