ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
