What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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