I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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